Last summer, Imgur user GMJTI shared the story of his dog with the internet. Stanley, the dog, isn’t just any dog. He’s possibly the quirkiest dog on the planet.
GMJTI adopted Stanley five years prior from Golden Retriever Rescue of Mid-Florida, Inc. The pair met while the pup was one year old and in a foster home. Stanley seemed totally chill. He was simply minding his own business lounging on the table. He didn’t even budge when his name was called. Eventually, he trotted over to the door because 1. He knew he’d found his human, or 2. He really had to pee. Either way, he went home with his new BFF.
So far, this dog doesn’t seem that quirky, he just doesn’t have great table manners. But trust us, it gets weirder.
Stanley’s human successfully trained his other dog, Karma, basic manners. GMJTI thought Stanley would be a breeze. He was wrong. Very, very, wrong. He wrote on Imgur:
“Despite all of the time, effort, and energy I put into training, when I asked him a basic command, the result was simply a blank stare. His lack of manners such as counter surfing, gnawing at the Christmas tree (including ornaments) and trying to bolt out the door every time someone opened it was just unsafe.”
After trying a few trainers, GMJTI thought Stanley might be deaf. Nope, the pup hears just fine. He simply doesn’t want to listen to anyone. But here’s the thing, it’s not obstinance. He doesn’t even respond to food. Seriously, what dog doesn’t respond to food? Trainers found this doggo so perplexing, that some of them quit for “more promising clients”!
Feeling at a total loss, GMJTI starting paying attention to what Stanley was doing, not what Stanley wasn’t doing. That’s when things really got quirky.
The first thing on Stanley’s Quirkiest of Quirks list is that every night after dinner, he picks up a pillow off of his human sister’s bed and carries it all over the house. He’s so into this pillow that he takes it outside when it’s potty time! The only time he’ll let it go is when he gets tired, but even then, he’ll lie down with his head on it!
The pillow isn’t the only thing he collects. Every day, Stanley rounds up three other items: a remote control, a carebear, and his human’s left slipper.
“He carries each item upstairs and places them under my daughter’s bed. If he can’t locate one of the items, he becomes visibly stressed and paces around for hours frantically looking for it. Basically, it ruins his day. So we make it a point to leave these things where he is used to finding them. At least I always know where they’ll be.”
Stanley also does not respond to his name, but he does respond to random words like “mailbox” or “Cap’n Crunch.”
All of this left GMJTI wondering if Stanley had some mental issues. While it’s rare, dogs can get OCD, as well as experience other mental health problems. So, this wasn’t outside of the realm of possibility.
One day, GMJTI’s friend told him about the book Hyperbole and a Half, which contains an IQ test for dogs. The test is nothing official. It’s just for fun, but GMJTI tried it out on Stanley — the results were…. well, Stanley flunked, BIG TIME.
The first exercise is to see if a dog will respond to his name. Well, we already know that Stanley has zero interest in his name. Big ol’ F for that first step!
Step two is possibly the most amusing.
The book said that if you put a blanket on a dog, intelligent dogs will flail around until they yank it off. Stanley was indifferent to the blanket and “wandered around aimlessly” until his human took it off!
The final test is pretty simple, but it requires a food-motivated dog (a.k.a. any dog on the planet who is not Stanley). You hide a treat under a cup, letting the dog see what you’re doing, and then wait for the dog to knock over the cup to get the treat. Stanley… well, he was completely confounded by the whole deal.
Despite the fact that Stanley would likely flunk out of pre-school if he were a human, GMJTI loves him. He lovingly closed out his Imgur post by saying:
“I don’t think I’ll ever know for sure why he is the way he is but honestly, I’m not all that worried about it anymore. He may be a bit slow, but his silly quirks, good nature, and odd little personality makes us love him even more.”
H/t to Shareably
Header image via GMJTI / Imgur